I Saw Brother Kissing Santa Claus
by The Grey Inbetween
Summary: Mokuba's beginning to doubt Santa's existence.  Joey takes it upon himself to dress up as ol' St. Nick, but when Mokuba finds his brother and Kris Kringle in a lip lock, he decides its time to teach the lecherous Santa a lesson. SJ
1. Chapter 1

So, when I originally thought of this, I had intended it to be a one-shot. But it is looking like it will become a multi-chapter fun-filled affair. Which is fun, but on the downside, I highly doubt I will be able to finish the story in its entirety before Christmas, though I will certainly try. I'm a slow writer, so I apologize in advance for any delays that may prevent me from making my self-imposed Xmas deadline. :) I'm trying to make this story equal parts humor and fluff, but if you prefer to see one more than the other, feel free to say so, and I will try to do so! Also, on a side note, I've kind of written Mokuba a little bit younger and more innocent/naive than normal for the sake of the story.

Warnings: Seto/Joey pairing, with fluff. Lots of innuendo. Slight swearing. Seto might be a little OOC, but I figure after dating Joey for a while, he's bound to have loosened up a bit and had his icy heart melt a little. :)

Also, if you know in your heart that Santa is real, I don't recommend reading this story.

**I Saw Brother Kissing Santa Claus**

* * *

"My life is over!" Mokuba cried, dramatically bursting through the front door to the mansion, a swirl of snow flurries dancing in after him.

Mokuba, upon hearing no consolations of pity, looked around to see a decisive lack of persons standing nearby to gain sympathy from. That wouldn't do. He quickly stripped off his winter coats and snow boots and trudged through the vast rooms until he found himself in a deserted wing of the mansion, in a smaller living room where a couch sat with its back to him, and a cozy fire going on in the hearth. He repeated himself. "My life is completely over!" he shouted.

Two heads instantly popped up from behind the couch in surprise, looking wildly around. "M-Mokuba! You're…you're home early," Joey chuckled nervously in a voice that was an octave or two higher than normal. Mokuba noted that both Joey and his brother were red in the face and their hair was a tousled mess. They were probably, his young and innocent mind provided, just playing a game of wrestle, like he would do during recess if school had not already been let out for Winter Break.

Joey coughed hastily. "Uh…just how long have you been standing there?"

Seto eyed the doorway, as if fearfully wondering the same thing. "I thought you were going to be playing with Rebecca all afternoon?" he asked as smoothly as he could, while also hoping that he had not inadvertently scarred his younger brother for life with any activities he might have become witness to.

"I left early," he pouted sullenly. "But that doesn't matter! Because there's no point in living anymore!" he wailed a tad melodramatically, tears building up in his sorrowful grey eyes.

Seto smiled softly, and a little amusedly, and extracted himself from Joey's hold on his waist, ignoring the blonde's displeased whine. "I'm sure your life is not, in fact, over, Mokuba." Seto kneeled in front of his brother, who sniffled argumentatively in response, as if to say _Shows how much _you_ know_. Seto chuckled and patted Mokuba on the head. "Now tell me what's going on."

And then Mokuba remembered that this was Seto's fault to begin with, and grabbed his big brother by the collar of his shirt and began to shake him vigorously back and forth. "You! You did this to me!"

"Uh," Seto said intelligently, mid-shake. "What?"

"You _lied_ to me! Filling my head with happy thoughts when really, _there is no happiness in the world_. Only _lies_," he hissed.

Seto froze. Now, Seto had a very strict personal policy that he never lied to Mokuba. However, as he himself had to grow up so fast and cast away his childhood beliefs in how the world worked, he would often bend this no-lie rule to preserve Mokuba's innocence for as long as possible. (Such as the time he discovered Mokuba's fish floating belly-up in its bowl, and had been caught in the process of flushing it down the toilet. Instead of explaining the circle of life, he calmly explained that the fish was going on a relaxing vacation, which coincidentally lasted the exact amount of time it took for Seto to find a completely identical goldfish.)

"Is this about Mr. Bubbles?" Seto asked slowly.

Mokuba stopped shaking his brother. "What about Mr. Bubbles?" Mokuba asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes; at this point Mr. Bubbles had taken 5 vacations and been alive for several years more than what was natural for a young boy's pet fish.

"Uh, nothing! Mr. Bubbles is alive and well!" Seto said hastily. "Until the next vacation," he added under his breath.

"What was that?" Mokuba asked.

"So what happened?" Seto asked quickly. This successfully averted Mokuba's attention back to the issue at hand.

"All these years," Mokuba wailed, fresh tears forming again, "You've been lying to me! Admit it!"

"About what?" Seto asked frantically. He sure wasn't going to incriminate himself about any of their other seemingly-immortal pets.

Mokuba began to sob. "About Santa not being real!"

A split second pause. "Oh," Seto said in a small voice.

Kaiba thought quickly. He knew that he'd have to eventually tell Mokuba the truth. He just thought that maybe he'd be able to wait until Mokuba turned eighteen. Or thirty. "Who told you that about Santa?" he asked, stalling.

"Rebecca," Mokuba mumbled, rubbing his nose on his sleeve.

"That's 'cause she only gets _coal_," Joey muttered flatly from his seat on the couch. "Annoying little twerp," he added under his breath.

Seto and Mokuba both ignored this.

Seto took a deep breath. It was time to come clean. "Okay, Mokuba, I'll tell you the truth," he said sadly in a heavy voice. He paused dramatically, saying a final farewell to this part of Mokuba's childhood. "Santa—"

"—is totally real!" Joey cut in. Seto glared at the blonde, who wasn't making this any easier on him by saying the exact opposite of what he had intended.

Mokuba, however, eyed Joey warily. Joey had been dating his big brother for several months now, and Mokuba liked him a lot. Joey wouldn't lie to him, would he?

Mokuba scoffed skeptically, though it sounded slightly hesitant. "No, he's not. I'm not a little kid. Don't lie to me."

Joey held up two fingers together and placed his right hand over his heart. "Scout's honor, kid."

Mokuba faltered. Whoa. This was getting intense. You couldn't just use that type of honor lightly. That was a kind of swear of trust that you didn't mess with. But he tried not to let his new hope show, and put on his best poker face. He crossed his arms and eyed Joey shrewdly.

"But Rebecca says her grandfather puts her presents under her tree. She says Santa doesn't exist."

Joey rolled his eyes animatedly. "Doesn't Seto teach you _anything?_" He ignored Seto's indignant snort. "Of _course_ Santa doesn't put presents under her tree! He _can't!_"

Unbidden, Mokuba's eyes grew big and wide. There were limits to Santa's power? Why hadn't he known about this before? "Why not?" he breathed in awe.

Seto saw Mokuba's enthralled face, now devoid of any trace of sadness and filled with innocent wonder, and decided to let Joey continue his story. He went back to sit next to the blonde on the couch.

"Be_cause_," Joey said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "If kids don't believe in Santa, he can't use his magic to get inside their house. He _wants_ to give them gifts, but he _can't_."

Mokuba gasped. "No way!"

"_Yes_ way!" Joey retorted inarguably, putting an end to all of Mokuba's doubts: This was _real_. "And it's not fair if those kids don't get gifts because they stopped believing, so their families have to do it instead so they're not left out."

"_That totally makes sense_," Mokuba whispered excitedly.

"It does?" Seto asked dubiously. He was promptly ignored.

"So you better start believing in him again since Christmas is in three days!" Joey warned, wagging his finger. "It would suck if he suddenly couldn't get in here after spending all year making all your gifts!"

Mokuba gulped. "I believe! I believe!"

Joey laughed. "Good. And don't let that brat Rebecca tell you otherwise."

Mokuba put his hands on his hips. "Joey, be nice or Santa will give you _coal_," he admonished.

Joey grinned mischievously, wrapping his arm around Seto's waist once more. "Don't you worry about that, kid." He snuggled into Seto's side. "I've got a feeling Santa's going to give me something _yummy_."

Mokuba tilted his head to the side as his brother turned bright red and jabbed his elbow into Joey's ribs. "Like cake?"

Seto coughed hurriedly. "Yes. Cake. Now, uh, why don't you go outside and play in the snow for a while? That sounds like fun, right?" Joey snickered at Seto's faltering ineloquence.

Mokuba's eyes lit up. "Okay, Big Brother! I'll make you a Blue Eyes Snow Dragon!"

Seto's blue eyes glowed warmly. "That would be wonderful, Mokuba."

Mokuba gave a shout of excitement and scrambled outside as fast as his legs could carry him.

Once the front door slammed shut, echoing through the vast mansion, Seto glared at Joey. "You realize this is going to make it that much harder when I finally have to tell him the truth?"

Joey wriggled closer to Seto, grabbing the brunette's arm and wrapping it around himself. He looked out the window that faced the front yard, and saw Mokuba running around excitedly in circles. "Yeah, but now he can blame me instead of you. And now he gets one more Christmas to believe in Santa."

Seto looked down at the mop of hair that was resting against his collarbone and smiled in amazement. "And why is that so important to you?"

"Because it's important to you," Joey said simply.

Seto didn't know what to say in reply, so instead he said nothing, giving Joey a light squeeze. And they both watched out the window as Mokuba played cheerfully in the snow.

* * *

So there's a little opening chapter, that's more fluff than humor, I suppose. But the next chapter should give a few giggles! I'll have that up hopefully in a week's time! If you like it so far, give a review and let me know! (I'm more prone to fighting my procrastinator tendencies and actually be productive when I know there are people who are waiting for me to get off my lazy behind and write :D )


	2. Chapter 2

Aww, yay! Thanks for the wonderful reviews! I'm glad that (most of) you are enjoying the story! You're all _fantastic_. And a special shout-out to KHCrazy; it's always so nice to see a familiar face in a new fandom! :3

I would like to add to the warnings that this may eventually border on crack humor, if it isn't already. :)

And now, onto the next chapter!

**I Saw Brother Kissing Santa Claus, Part 2**

**

* * *

**

Mokuba lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't sleep. He was too excited.

He watched the fan above him turn in slow, lazy circles. After watching it spin a few dozen times, he flopped over onto his side and stared at the designs in the textures covering the wall his bed was propped up against, hoping it would hypnotize him to slumber.

He needed to sleep. Not because he was tired, mind you. He was far too eager for the inevitable visit from Santa to sleep. But he needed to sleep, because if he didn't, Santa might change his mind and not give him presents.

Granted, it wasn't Christmas Eve yet. That would be the next night. But as every child knows, Santa looks extra hard for good behavior right before Christmas. Joey said so. And Joey knew absolutely _everything_ there was to know about Santa _ever_. Mokuba was beginning to believe that Joey and Santa were probably _best friends_. Well, after Yugi, of course.

Mokuba flipped onto his other side restlessly. This wasn't working, he just couldn't fall asleep. He weighed his options thoughtfully. On the one hand, he could stay here and keep waiting to fall asleep. He wouldn't be creeping around like he wasn't supposed to, but wouldn't be sleeping like he was supposed to, either. On the other hand, he could risk getting out of bed to find Seto, who would surely know a good way to help him sleep.

Mokuba deliberated for a few minutes before making his mind, putting on some Kuriboh slippers and poking his head out his bedroom door. He looked left, then right, to make sure that Santa wasn't watching out for him.

Mokuba padded stealthily down the hall until at last he reached the door into Seto's bedroom. He called out softly. "Big brother?" Silence was his reply. He tried again, a little louder, to no avail.

Mokuba tentatively tried the handle, though he fully expected it to be locked. After one too many times of Mokuba walking in unannounced during Seto's and Joey's "_alone time_," they had decided that locking the door would be beneficial for all parties around – for their privacy as well as Mokuba not needing therapy for the remainder of his existence.

To his surprise, however, the handle gave and the door creaked softly inwards. Mokuba gulped. "Uh, Seto?" he called in. Still nothing. Mokuba steeled himself, screwed his eyes shut, and said in a louder voice. "I'm coming in!"

Arms outstretched in front of himself, he blindly felt his way through the room until he bumped gently into the bed. He reached out and poked what he had hoped would be his brother, but it was far too squishy. He slowly peeled one eye open a fraction of a sliver, ready to slam it shut at superhuman speed should he come face to face with far more of Joey than he ever would want to see, but instead found himself poking a pillow.

Mokuba frowned. He opened his other eye and looked around. He was alone in the room. He bit his lip nervously. Why weren't they sleeping? Santa was going to be _so mad._

He peered out the hall. No sign of anyone. He wandered around the mansion, not sure where to search for them. He eventually found himself in another wing, the same wing with the living room with the cozy fire place where he had found Joey and Seto earlier, when he heard his brother's muffled voice. As he crept closer, the voices started to become clear.

"What the—" and here Mokuba heard Seto utter a word that would most definitely cost him his presents from Santa that year "—is that?" His brother seemed to be choking back laughter. Mokuba heard another voice mumble something in reply, but he was still too far away to discern what it was.

He crept closer still until he came upon the closed door leading into the living room. The voices were coming from within, but suddenly got quieter to an almost whisper. It was incredibly difficult to understand because of the door.

Now, he could try the handle and announce his presence, but curiosity got the better of him.

He knelt down to peer through the keyhole. And _holy crap, it was Santa! _

Mokuba nearly lost his balance in surprise. _It was really him! Here! In his house!_ Santa had his back to him, but there was no mistaking that red coat and hat. He could even see the white beard. Mokuba scrambled back up and twisted his head to get a better view of the rest of the room.

He saw his brother standing in front of Santa, facing the doorway he was currently hiding behind. Mokuba felt torn in a moral dilemma; he should go back to bed, because if Santa found out he was eavesdropping, he was in hot water for sure. But at the same time, they might be discussing his presents, and how could Mokuba pass up on such a perfect opportunity?

Mind made up, he pressed closer to the keyhole. It was hard to hear them talking, but he was able to catch snippets here and there. However, due to the muffling, it was difficult to tell their voices apart. In fact, he couldn't even recognize Seto's voice; he only knew when it was his brother talking because he was able to see when Seto's mouth was moving.

After a few moments of not understanding a single word, he was getting ready to give up when _there! _His name! _He heard his name!_

He frantically pressed his face into the door as hard as he could without shoving the handle into his brain. _He had to hear what they were saying!_ Unfortunately, it was only a little better. There were a few more moments of agonizing mumbling. Finally, he was able to make out something Santa said.

"—getting too old to believe—"

Mokuba's heart turned to stone in his chest. _No!_ he wanted to shout. He believed! He would have announced his presence if doing so wouldn't jeopardize his presents, as he was supposed to be sleeping and dreaming of sugarplum fairies, whatever those were.

Then Mokuba noticed Santa getting really close to Seto. Too close. What was Santa doing?

Seto looked as confused as Mokuba felt, and said something that he couldn't catch.

Santa started talking again. "—let him catch me—" more mumbling "—go all the way—"

Mokuba slapped his hands over his mouth as he gasped to prevent the sound from being heard. This sounded bad. What was going on here?

Santa put his arms around Seto, effectively blocking Mokuba's view of his brother's face.

Mokuba seethed. How dare Santa touch his brother like that! He was a pervert! _Kick him in the groin!_ Mokuba mentally shouted.

But Seto didn't. Maybe his brother was afraid to lose his presents? He looked desperately into the keyhole. Seto and Santa both mumbled something else, and then Santa leaned in and _kissed his brother._

_What? _Mokuba's eyes bugged out of his skull. This wasn't happening. Everything he had loved about Santa had just been corrupted. And Seto… He began to run in frantic circles. He had to help! Seto needed him! He had to do something! But what? He was just a little kid. What could he do?

He had to get Joey!

Mokuba tripped over his own feet. _Joey_… Joey would be crushed. He still thought that Santa was a force of good in the world. How was he going to be able to break Santa's betrayal to him?

Mokuba heard a strange sound that interrupted his panicked thoughts, and plastered himself again to the small opening. He saw Seto struggling against Santa's evil clutches. "Stop! Stop!" Seto cried.

"Nothing can stop me!" Kris Kringle replied with a feral growl.

Mokuba's whole body went cold. Dear God, _Santa was a rapist._

There was no time to get Joey. Mokuba threw himself at the doorknob, but the door was locked, and his poor young muscles could not overcome it. Both voices stopped, however. Mokuba leaned back down to peer into his keyhole to see if Seto was still okay, just in time to see Seto punch Santa upside the head. "No means no," his brother said sternly.

Mokuba breathed a deep sigh of relief. He didn't know what he was getting so worked up over. Seto could take care of himself. He would show Santa a thing or two about what it meant to try to take advantage of a Kaiba. Mokuba nodded proudly. Nothing to worry about. He decided to leave Seto to beat the crap out of Santa, and began to crawl back upstairs before he was discovered.

* * *

Rewinding back a little, back to when Mokuba was standing in his brother's room wondering where the hell he had wondered off to, Seto was standing in the cozy living room in front of the roaring fireplace, staring into the flickering flames as he reflected back on Mokuba's childhood and how its end was drawing nearer every day. It was a sad thought for him.

As Mokuba began his search for his lost sibling, Seto heard the door behind him open and close softly, and then a voice behind him. "You know, if you keep frowning like that, your face will freeze that way." Seto could hear the grin in Joey's voice.

Seto smirked into the fire despite his wistful mood. "I find that highly unlikely."

He heard Joey take a few steps closer, and a teasing lilt found its way into his voice. "Fact. You should believe me. I'm a professional on the matter."

Seto snorted lightly. "A professional on the matter of making ridiculous faces, or having them stuck to your face?"

Joey chuckled. "How about both?" The exuberant cheerfulness in his voice lessened. "You okay? You still sad about Mokuba growing up?"

Seto sighed. Of course Joey would know exactly what was on his mind. He turned around to face the blonde boy. "Yeah, I just—" Kaiba's voice broke off chokingly. He took a moment to take in what Joey was wearing before giving a strangled laugh. "What the—" and here Seto uttered a word that would most definitely cost Mokuba his presents from Santa that year should his brother ever catch him saying it "—is that?" He gestured at the ensemble that Joey was sporting.

Joey huffed exasperatedly. "What does it _look_ like? I'm Santa!"

"Keep your voice down," Seto hissed, suddenly aware that if Mokuba were to see Joey pretending to be Santa, it would be a crushing truth for the boy.

Joey seemed to realize this and also lowered his voice, despite the fact that Mokuba was surely asleep by now. "Sorry."

Seto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I can see that you're Santa. The red suit and beard kind of gives it away." He eyed the fuzzy red hat that hung lopsidedly on Joey's head, effectively hiding his bright blonde hair. The fake beard hung loosely on Joey's lean face. "To be honest, you make a pretty crappy Santa." Joey made a sound of indignation. "But what I meant was, _why?_"

It was Joey's turn to roll his eyes. "For Mokuba, of course."

Seto started in surprise. "What?"

"Come on, Mokuba's a smart kid," Joey explained. "He's getting too old to believe on just faith alone. You want a few more years until you have to break it to him, right? Well, a little proof should go a long way to help you with that."

"Proof?" Seto repeated slowly, as he began to realize just what Joey was doing for him.

Joey shrugged. "Yeah, let him catch me on the roof or something. From far away, he won't even be able to tell it's me. If you're going to do something, go all the way, right?"

"You'd climb on our roof in the dead of night in the middle of winter while it's snowing?" Seto asked doubtfully, but with a telltale trace of adoration in his voice.'

Joey stepped closer to Seto, bringing the distance from a few feet to a few inches. "Well, yeah," he whispered in a voice that made Seto feel silly for ever thinking otherwise, and wrapped his arms around Seto's waist, holding him close.

"You're something else," Seto smiled gently, eyes glowing warmly.

Joey smirked. "Damn right, I am," he said in a low voice before he leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Seto's.

What he hadn't counted on was Seto snorting in amusement while trying to hold back laughter.

Joey pulled back and huffed testily, crossing his arms. "What is your problem? I'm trying to be romantic here."

Seto snorted again, and the corners of his lips twitched spasmodically as he tried to remain dignified. "Yeah, Santa's a regular Casanova." This didn't seem to improve Joey's mood. "It's your beard," he explained, scratching at his face where it had been assaulted by the faux facial hair. "It tickles."

Joey grinned. "Well, here, let me help with that," he said as he launched himself into a bear hug, rubbing his fake beard all over Seto's face.

"Stop! Stop!" Seto cried, trying to hide his laughter as he pushed away at Joey, but because he was nearing hysterical laughter, there wasn't much force behind his shoves.

"Nothing can stop me!" Joey growled huskily, digging his face just below Seto's ear where he knew the brunette was extremely sensitive.

They both heard a rattling sound coming from the door behind them.

Joey and Seto stopped dead in their tracks and glanced at the door.

"Did you hear something?" Joey whispered.

Seto bopped Joey lightly on the head. "No means no," he said in a fondly irritated voice.

Joey looked back up to Seto and batted his eyelashes coyly. "You weren't enjoying yourself?" he said teasingly.

Seto rolled his eyes and moved to sit in one of the armchairs by the fire. "You're going to traumatize Mokuba if he hears you."

Joey grinned devilishly, following Seto and sitting on the armrest. "Aw, I'm sure he's heard us by now. You're walls aren't that thick." He winked mischievously. "Now come on and give Santa some _love_." He puckered up.

Seto smirked and pushed Joey off the chair, who squawked as his butt came into contact with the cold wood floor.

Joey immediately jumped back up, and sniffed haughtily while brushing off imaginary dust from his bright red suit. "You, sir," he said in mock-indignation, nose in the air, "are heartless. I'm going to bed, as I have a late night tomorrow, what with all my gift giving and all." He walked to the door, expecting Seto to follow.

"Have fun by yourself," his boyfriend called out after him playfully.

Joey reached the door and looked back over his shoulder with a sultry come-hither stare. "More than if you were there," he teased.

Seto gave a feral smirk as he got up out of the chair. Joey turned to face him, leaning back against the door, heart beating faster even after all their time together. Seto slowly made his way towards him until their chests were touching. He braced his arm against the door so that it couldn't be opened and leaned over Joey. He growled. "I don't think so." And he kissed Santa.

* * *

Mokuba was just preparing to crawl back into bed when a terrible thought occurred to him. Santa visited, like, a bajillion houses every year. Who knew how many other parents (or in their case, big brother) Santa had tried to seduce?

Mokuba froze in horror. He had to do something.

He picked up the phone and stabbed in a few numbers.

"_911, what's your emergency?"_ came a tinny woman's voice.

"You've got to help me!" Mokuba cried into the phone.

"_Alright, if you can calm down and tell me what the problem is, I will send help over immediately."_

"It-It's Santa!" Mokuba started. "He—"

The voice sighed softly. "_Does Santa know that you're out of bed?_" He thought he heard her say to someone else on the other side of the line, "_Another Santa sighting call_."

"No, but you don't understand, he—"

"_If he catches you out of bed, you'll have to get coal."_

"But—"

"_Now off to bed with you."_

"Wait! I—"

_Click._

Mokuba stared at the phone numbly. That was it. There was no one to help him.

He thought of Seto, and how he must be upset that Santa would hit on him like that. And poor Joey, too. He had so much faith in Santa.

Mokuba growled determinedly. So no one would help him. Well that was fine. He didn't need help. He was a Kaiba! He would take care of this himself. Santa would pay.

He walked over to his dresser and riffled through the bottom drawer. He flung socks and underwear over his shoulder until he found what he was searching for. He pulled it out and looked at it in the moonlight streaming through his window.

Seto's credit card. For emergencies, of course.

Mokuba grinned darkly. Oh _yes,_ Santa would pay.

* * *

Oh dear, what mischief is Mokuba planning? Who knows! Well, maybe me. Quite possibly. ;) I guess we'll have to see.

If you enjoyed it at all, take the time to leave a review! It brings me such joy to see people get a smile or - dare I hope - a chuckle out of it. Also, due to finals and such, I cannot promise when the next chapter will be. Hopefully before Christmas! Thanks to all!

-Grey


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